Awakening to Surrender

It's the first week of school -- my  first of two "residency weeks" as they call them.  I haven't been here even 24 hours and already I have been called to surrender myself in ways that have challenged me to actually acknowledge what holds me and what I hold onto in the name of control.  

Each evening ends with prayer and each morning begins fresh with prayer.  Having arrived mid-day yesterday, Sunday evening was our first prayer time together.  During that time we were led through a guided meditation/imagery to imagine God smiling at us -- and to answer what about us delights God and causes God to smile.  As we did that, we were also challenged to consider those things that we need to offer God to transform with God's fire... to refine us.  What are those things that we hold onto that keep us from being able to do that in which God delights?  What are those things that cause us to be less than our full self?  WHOA.  I hate to admit, but my list of what I felt needed to be transformed was much longer than that of what makes God smile.  And as I muddled in that reality a bit, the words I kept hearing in my heart were those of worthiness, love, and delight.  Day one ended and I was already kicked in the pants by what God was calling me to acknowledge as a part of this process.  

This morning, as we gathered and sat in prayer together, it was about surrendering ourselves.  Breathing in all the good that God is offering us and letting go of those things we brought with us that hold us back -- our worries, anxieties and fears.  Oh yes, I apparently came with a lot.  Those things in life I continually try to control or keep under my finger.  Those things which keep order in my chaos.  Those things which, if I were to be honest, seem too overwhelming to actually feel, experience, and let go of.  

But here I am... not even a full day in, and God has declared that our little game of chase and hide-n-seek is over.  Apparently, I am exactly where I need to be at exactly the right time.  My mind and my heart have surrendered to the days ahead and to how God's spirit will move around me.  And with that, I am awakened to a fuller sense of what God has created me to be as I begin this path of Spiritual Direction.  Can't wait for the days ahead!