On Being Heard

A question was recently posed to me: "what happens within you when someone deeply listens as your share part of your life's sacred story?"  Wow, that really gets to the heart of what spiritual direction is -- someone holding sacred space with you and truly listening -- hearing you-- as you share your life's sacred story.  How does that feel?

• It feels scary.  Someone is actually listening to me.  Hearing what I say.  They aren't asking how I am and walking away before I answer.  They aren't asking "just to be polite."  When a spiritual director - or anyone - really listens to my story, it is scary.  In the act of listening, of truly hearing, my story is being heard perhaps for the first time - and it's my story - a part of who I am as an individual and as a creation of God.  It may be a story I have never shared before, or one I just experienced and need to process.  You have your own story which is just yours, waiting to be heard.  Whether your story is simple or complex, the sharing of it is personal.  It is a moment of vulnerability - before the person listening as well as before God.  A moment of trust.  A moment of truth.  And for most of us, that is scary. 
• It feels intimate.  The mere sharing of my life story(ies) creates sacred space - a thin place where walls are knocked down, where the Spirit is thick, where my story weaves together with God's greater story of creation.  It is holy.  Tender.  Full of care.  It's a feeling of being treasured.
• When someone listen's to my life's sacred story, I feel honored.  I feel as though my story matters and how I experience life and the Holy matters.  I feel honored and respected as a human, as a child of God, and as me. 
• And when my story is heard, I am exhausted.  Because when someone hears my story and is truly listening to it, they will ask me the questions that draw me deeper.  They won't share their own stories as a way to compare, but they will keep me focused on my own story and draw me deeper into my experience to help me remember it, process it, keep it real.  That kind of "being heard" takes work.  And often times, it results in emotion... and we all know that emotion can be exhausting.  
• But most of all, having my story heard is transformative.  When I am deeply listened to, I am taken to new depths and new heights.  I have heightened awareness of myself and of God.  I become grounded, rooted in the earth of God's creation.  I can feel the Spirit moving within and around me. There is no doubt in my mind that these moments are holy. And through this transformative experience, another feeling swells.... that of....
• Love.  Loved for who and what I am.  Loved by God and loved by other.  Loved and accepted on a spiritual level - holy and whole.  My weaknesses, brokenness, gifts, and strengths have little relevance because as a whole, I am loved for everything I bring to the table.  

Have you ever shared your story with someone who will listen?  Have you found yourself deeply heard?  How did it feel for you?  Or is this something you crave?  Spiritual Direction is the ministry of such listening.  It is a ministry of honoring one's story, of savoring it, and of finding God in the midst of it.  Know that your story deserves to be heard and to honored for the place it has in God's greater story.  If you would like help in locating a Spiritual Director, contact me and I will be happy to assist.

To Center

Laying on my back on a pew in the quiet of the sanctuary on a weekday afternoon, I was acutely aware of my breath.  The few of us gathered had just finished singing "Spirit of the Living God" and now we were entering into a time of centering prayer for 10 minutes.  As I tried to quiet my body and my self, I took measured breaths, closed my eyes, and let my body completely relax.  "Peace."  That one word repeating in my mind slowly as I tried to empty myself and sought to be merely present in the moment.  As thoughts entered in, I gently repeated my word, "peace."  With each repetition, it quietly called me back to simply being.  It reminded me to breathe.  To be empty.  Before long, the hum of cars passing by faded away and I began to feel truly at peace.  Every little bit, a fly would buzz by and pull my attention away, and I would once again speak my word of peace to center myself back into the moment.  Before I knew it, we were being called out of our prayer with a praying of the Lord's Prayer.  All it took was ten minutes, but it changed me and how I approached the day.  It quieted the noise inside of me.  It made room for God to move within me.  All in all, I felt very centered as we drew our time to a close and I went about the rest of my day.

So often, our prayer times are mental exercises.  We are engaged mentally, maybe physically, in addition to spiritually.  Speaking for myself, my mind engages with my soul and with God in a practice that involves some element or combination of conversation, journaling, artistic expression, or heart-felt desire.  It is often more about what *I* am doing in the moment than what God is doing.  Centering prayer is different.  Centering prayer calls us to disengage with our mind in order to make room for the Spirit of God to work within us.  It is a time of intentional relationship with God where we consent to God's presence and action in our life.

Fr. Thomas Keating is my go-to guy for understanding the grace of centering prayer.  In a video you can find here, he lifts up four basic principles of centering prayer.  Remember this first:  Centering prayer is not a replacement to other forms of prayer.  It is best understood as a way to make room and prepare ourselves to more fully engage with God in those other forms of prayer, as well engage with God in our general living.  Keating's 4 principles/how-to's:

1. Prayerfully select a sacred word as the symbol of your intention to consent to God's presence and action within.  Keating reminds us that centering prayer is not a perfect art -- we will screw it up and that is OK!!  What matters is our intent to be available to God.  
2. Get comfortable, close your eyes and quietly settle into your space.  After a brief settling, gently introduce your sacred word.  Silently and gently repeating it.  
3. When thoughts arise (and they will!), return ever-so-gently to your sacred word.  Do no shame yourself for the thoughts that pop up.  It is perfectly normal for our mind to drift, to dream, vision, and think.  As this happens, greet the thoughts, but help them pass along as your sacred word brings you back to your intent to be fully present with God.
4. At the end of your time of prayer, allow yourself to remain in silence with your eyes closed for just a couple of minutes - thus allowing yourself to re-enter the world with care.    

Some liken centering prayer to Christian meditation -- I am not sure I would go that far.  My personal understanding of meditation focuses on primarily on the emptying of ourselves.  In centering prayer, we are emptying ourselves with an focused intent to be in relationship with God and to receive God's workings within us.

I invite you to try this prayer.  Fr. Keating suggests we give ourselves 20-25 minutes to partake in this practice, but as a beginner that will feel like too much.  So start slowly and simply -- 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes, 20 minutes.  Try it once a week, three times a week, and then move to daily.  Remember, there is truly no RIGHT way to do this - what is right is our intention to be in fellowship with God.  So show up, give it a try, and trust that God's grace will do the rest.

On Prayer...

I'm just gonna say it: Prayer is hard.

I mean, yes it is easy in the "there's no wrong way to pray" mentality, but it is also hard in knowing the ways that work for us.
   Prayer is easy in that as long as we show up, we can have faith God is there, but it is hard because we so often get distracted and we are seldom fully present.
   Prayer is easy in that our souls just naturally yearn to have a connection with God, but it is hard... so hard... when we feel like that connection isn't happening.

So yes, prayer is HARD.
   But... it is SO worth it.  Why?
   Because it builds our relationship with God.  It deepens, enriches, and draws us closer in relationship with the One who made us, loves us still and seeks the absolute best for us.  In prayer, we connect with God in big and little ways.  We become aware of God's faithfulness to us, God's activity in our lives, God's dreams for us, and we grow in our own desire to be ever closer to God.

I recently read Ronald Rolheiser's book, Prayer: Our Deepest Longing.  In that book, Rolheiser likens the spiritual discipline of prayer to caring for aging parents/loved ones.  Out of a sense of duty and love, we daily stop by to spend time with our loved one, offering care, helping with the evening meal, chatting about the day, and simply being present.  Very rarely would these daily visits amount to much when looked at individually, but when looked at over the course of time, we grow to know that person so deeply and wholly -- and that person knows us just as deeply.  That happens, Rolheiser says, because "at a deep level of relationship, the real connection between us takes place below the surface of our conversation.  We begin to know each other through simple presence."  The very same is true with prayer!!  If we pray faithfully every day, day in, day out, year after year, an intimacy with our Maker can't help but be developed.

But we are a people of instant gratification -- and this is where once again, prayer is hard.  We want prayer to be life changing every time.  Monumental.  We want the mountain top experience. We want to be instantly touched.  Healed.  Moved.  Changed.  Connected with God in some new and real way.  While this can (and does) happen from time to time, it is not the norm.  The norm is more steady.  Uneventful.  Bland.  And perhaps, dare I say ,even boring.  And  hear me say, that's OK.  Just as a meaningful friendship isn't built around the "what have you done for me lately" motif, a relationship with God is't either.  It's about being steady and faithful - even when we don't want to.  It's about showing up and knowing that when we are distracted, God is still there and fully present.  It's about knowing that when we feel like we are failing at prayer (which is actually impossible), the intent of our heart to pray and connect with God saves us.  God sees our intent and connects with us even then.

How have you found richness in the regular practice of prayer?  Or on the other side of that coin, have you been discouraged in your prayer life?  It's never too late to start fresh.  In the next few blogs, I will give some examples of prayer practices that have been meaningful to me -- perhaps you will find one that resonates with you!

Soul Friends

I am blessed to have a group of women who meet together as a covenant group once a month.  We are all clergy and we come together to share our true selves with one another - joys and challenges, laughter and tears, fullness and emptiness.  I often think that without these women, I would be utterly lost as I navigate life, faith and ministry.  I am ever thankful for their friendship and their willingness to be true and vulnerable with one another.  We have what I would call a spiritual friendship -- a friendship that runs deeper than sharing of the latest rumors and celebrity news.  A friendship that isn't accidental and most certainly, is not temporary.

In a world where we talk about "being friends" with such casual voice (how many "friends" do you have on facebook?), to speak of a friendship that goes deeper than the mundane is a challenge.  Few people can relate to what it means to have a true blue friend - that friend we can call at 3am when we are sick and need someone to buy us some ginger ale.  Yet when I speak of spiritual friendship, I am going even beyond deep friendship to a relationship that is more intentional, more bonded by faith and knit together by God.  In these set-apart relationships, there is room for gentle nudging, confessing, anchoring, and directing.  There is a gentleness of spirit and a recognition that the conversations shared are holy and heard -- not just by one another, but by the Spirit.  Conversations together are focused around the challenges of faith and life, the balance of hope and reality, and the very basic "how is it with your soul?" They are friendships that hold us accountable, help us dream, carry us when we are deflated and ground us when we are too far afloat. They are the friendships that not just illumine the darkness, but sit with us in the midst of it as we wait for the dawn of new hope, fresh faith, and a sense of God.  As we strive on toward perfection, it is a spiritual friend that will walk alongside of us every step of the way - come high hills, big bumps, rain or rainbows.

I have to admit, sometimes I feel indulgent when it comes to meeting with my covenant sisters.  It is such a sacred time and it always buoys me for the next round of life.  Yet in those times when it feels too indulgent, I am reminded that the model of spiritual friendships was set before us in the life of Christ.  In the Gospels, we see Jesus living in spiritual friendship with Mary and Mary Magdalene, with Lazarus and Martha, with "the disciple whom Jesus loved."  These are the people who were key in Jesus' life -- the people who knew him best and knew his heart.  Jesus taught us that neither life nor faith were meant to be journeyed alone.

I truly consider myself both lucky and blessed to have found these five sisters in faith to companion with through life, but I would say that it is a blessing to even have one person in life to be this kind of friend.  Who in your life fills this role?  If you can't readily think of someone, I would challenge you to find one person to explore having this type of intentional relationship with.  Maybe it is with someone you already call friend or perhaps it is someone you know on the periphery and would like to know better in an intentional Spirit-led way. Either way, I invite you to take a risk, reach out, be real and be vulnerable with each other in the company of God.  In doing so I believe you will find richness of spirit and heart - a true gift of God's love for each of us.    

To Breathe and to Pray

One of my lived realities is that my youngest daughter has Tourette Syndrome.  The nature of Tourette's is that it ebbs and flows over time, and is more than just tics, but also includes issues such as anxiety, OCD, and a variety of other things.  We have been very blessed that for the better part of a year her tics have been almost non-existent with medication.  This week however, we started a new "flowing" phase which has left her feeling scared and frustrated and me feeling extremely overwhelmed.  In moments like these, I have a simple (yet profoundly effective) go-to that helps me to move from overwhelm and paralysis back into life one step at a time:  breath prayer.

Breath is fundamental to life -- we inhale and we exhale.  When we get scared or anxious and our breath races, we slow down and breathe slow and steady to settle us down.  When we get excited or upset, our breath catches.  When we take in the beauty of the earth , we often find that breathing deeply grounds us in the moment.  Beyond being a source of life, it is a piece of our faith.  Breath is a way in which we relate to the Spirit -- the breath of God. With a biblical model for linking Spirit with breath, I find myself naturally drawn to the very simple, yet profound practice of breath prayers -- especially when life gets to be too much.  The great thing about breath prayers -- they are completely customizable for the moment and very short in nature.  These prayers are intended to cooperate with your breathing patterns -- short and sweet and easily repeated.  With an inhale, a phrase is prayed -- perhaps a name or image of God.  With an exhale, our request is lifted.  Each breath being filled with a prayer lasting just a few syllables.  Each prayer easily being breathed.

What are the benefits of this prayer?  First, it slows us down.  For me, it gets me out of my cycle of spinning out.  It makes me mindful of my breathing and of my surroundings.  And perhaps most important, the repetitive nature of this prayer helps to focus less on me and more on the power of the Spirit -- looking to and trusting God to lead me through the moment.  Breath prayers are not just for moments of chaos, but for moments of peace, as well.  They call us to a more contemplative stance and lead us towards being more mindful of each other as God's creation, living with God and trusting in God's provision.

How do you make a breath prayer?  Easy Peasy.

1. Choose a name or image of God/Christ/Spirit that speaks to you.  Perhaps it is a favorite phrase, image or biblical description. This name, you will prayer upon inhaling. 
2. Consider your need at the moment -- shrink it into as few words as possible.  This phrase should fit into the space of an exhale.   
3. Put these two pieces together to form your prayer. Breathe in - praying God's name.  Breathe out - praying your petition.  Of course, if you choose to reverse the order and pray the petition first, that is completely acceptable -- to each their own.  

Some examples:

Giver of life, calm my soul

Spirit of wisdom, lead me on. 

Grant me grace, Merciful God. 

Holy Lord, heal my heart.  

Do you have a go-to breath prayer?  If so, share it in the comments -- more often than not, our prayers inspire one another. Whether this is your first breath prayer or your 101st, stop now, take a moment to breathe and invite the Spirit to help you form the prayer of your heart at this moment.  Take the time to breathe and to pray -- your soul and your God will thank you. 

Life Behind the Curtain

It's always interesting to see where you strike a chord with people.  In my last post, I spoke to the importance of spiritual direction as a means of clergy and lay leader care.  I'm not surprised that it resonated, but I continue to be struck by how many (clergy and laity) struggle to claim some sort of meaningful practice of soul care.  It's my observation that as church leaders (again, clergy and lay), we find ourselves in one of two places: 

1. Completely overwhelmed and gasping for breath.  Because of this, we cannot even fathom finding the time, much less taking the time to take care of our own souls.  There is too much to do and too many issues that require our attention. 
2. We desperately want to be better about our soul-care (different from self-care), but we don't know where to start, how to start, and we feel guilty for the time it will take. Will we be supported in our efforts to do so if it means we say 'no' to something else??

 Why is it so important that we invest in the time and resources to care for our souls?  First, we are caring for others.  To care for others, we ourselves have to be cared for.  Secondly, and perhaps often overlooked, we need soul care simply because we as clergy and lay leaders have seen behind the curtain of the church and we are shocked by what is there. We may have entered into professional/lay ministry within a rosy picture of this holy calling as the clouds parted and God blessed us on our journey.  Truth be told,  it doesn't take long after stepping foot into the work of the church to realize the church is a human institution.  As such, it is somewhat flawed, filled with broken and flawed people, and often a source of stress rather than strength and spiritual renewal for its leaders.  That isn't to say the church is a bad place...not at all!  But when a person begins living out their call in ministry from outside the pew, they see behind the curtain of what the church is and suddenly see the imperfections.  They see the focus on numbers - budgets and attendance.  They experience the stress of living a more public life.  They live in the chaos of always looking ahead to the next big church season (which for the record, there is nothing ordinary about "ordinary time -- VBS, camps, back to school, etc).


Remember the Wizard of Oz and how Dorothy and her friends were told to ignore the man behind the curtain because it revealed something very different than what was expected?  For many who work in the church, being in ministry is seeing behind the curtain and having revealed a new and unexpected truth of how the church works and how broken it sometimes is.  Hear me say this:  God is still there.  God is still present in the midst of the brokenness and stress. We as leaders just need someone to help us see it.  That is where having a spiritual director comes in.  In cases like this, a director can not only help us stay in tune with God, but help us stay right-side up when ministry and the church get upside down.  A director will offer the space needed to talk, pray, sort through and embrace the Spirit's tugs and nudges as we move through and minister with the church.

So while I am glad that these recent topics have resonated with people, my prayer is that it will help us all move into better practices of soul care.  Whether in spiritual direction or not, do something for your soul today! Take the time to lose yourself in the scriptures.  Learn a new way to pray and find God there.  Buy a new journal to write or draw in.  Color a mandala.  Call a friend to have tea and holy conversation about how you can each support one another in faith.  Just do something.  You and your soul deserve it.

Clergy Care

It's really of no surprise to me that so many of my clergy colleagues have shown an interest in the ministry of spiritual direction - not to be directors, but rather to receive direction.  As I think about who should be in spiritual direction, clergy and lay leaders are at the top of my list.

Clergy and lay leaders need to be continually looking for and recognizing God at work in the world and in their lives.  They need someone to regularly help them live into their call as a child of God and a Christian leader - someone who isn't asking them to report on their numerical success in church ministry.  Church leaders need a safe place to have holy conversations without the fear of how said conversations might impact or be reflected in an annual review.  They need a place where it is OK to come down off the pedestal, to be real, to be vulnerable with what they are feeling and experiencing.  There needs to be a set-aside place to allow the struggles, joys, and questions of faith to surface and be handled with loving care. A place where a leader's heart always departs having been touched by the Spirit and the conversation.

All of us need spiritual direction to some extent, but it is my opinion that those leading the church - those who are often looked at as super-spiritual and beyond needing spiritual guidance - are the ones needing it most.  Leading the church is a lonely business, yet God repeatedly calls us to be in community - not one of competition, but one of support and wholeness.  We need not travel this life of ministry alone for there are people to companion with us as we go.  Friends... colleagues... let us take the time to tend to our souls.  Let us risk our egos and have the vulnerability needed to engage with God on a deeper, more honest level.  I promise you, the Spirit will lead the way.