To Center

Laying on my back on a pew in the quiet of the sanctuary on a weekday afternoon, I was acutely aware of my breath.  The few of us gathered had just finished singing "Spirit of the Living God" and now we were entering into a time of centering prayer for 10 minutes.  As I tried to quiet my body and my self, I took measured breaths, closed my eyes, and let my body completely relax.  "Peace."  That one word repeating in my mind slowly as I tried to empty myself and sought to be merely present in the moment.  As thoughts entered in, I gently repeated my word, "peace."  With each repetition, it quietly called me back to simply being.  It reminded me to breathe.  To be empty.  Before long, the hum of cars passing by faded away and I began to feel truly at peace.  Every little bit, a fly would buzz by and pull my attention away, and I would once again speak my word of peace to center myself back into the moment.  Before I knew it, we were being called out of our prayer with a praying of the Lord's Prayer.  All it took was ten minutes, but it changed me and how I approached the day.  It quieted the noise inside of me.  It made room for God to move within me.  All in all, I felt very centered as we drew our time to a close and I went about the rest of my day.

So often, our prayer times are mental exercises.  We are engaged mentally, maybe physically, in addition to spiritually.  Speaking for myself, my mind engages with my soul and with God in a practice that involves some element or combination of conversation, journaling, artistic expression, or heart-felt desire.  It is often more about what *I* am doing in the moment than what God is doing.  Centering prayer is different.  Centering prayer calls us to disengage with our mind in order to make room for the Spirit of God to work within us.  It is a time of intentional relationship with God where we consent to God's presence and action in our life.

Fr. Thomas Keating is my go-to guy for understanding the grace of centering prayer.  In a video you can find here, he lifts up four basic principles of centering prayer.  Remember this first:  Centering prayer is not a replacement to other forms of prayer.  It is best understood as a way to make room and prepare ourselves to more fully engage with God in those other forms of prayer, as well engage with God in our general living.  Keating's 4 principles/how-to's:

1. Prayerfully select a sacred word as the symbol of your intention to consent to God's presence and action within.  Keating reminds us that centering prayer is not a perfect art -- we will screw it up and that is OK!!  What matters is our intent to be available to God.  
2. Get comfortable, close your eyes and quietly settle into your space.  After a brief settling, gently introduce your sacred word.  Silently and gently repeating it.  
3. When thoughts arise (and they will!), return ever-so-gently to your sacred word.  Do no shame yourself for the thoughts that pop up.  It is perfectly normal for our mind to drift, to dream, vision, and think.  As this happens, greet the thoughts, but help them pass along as your sacred word brings you back to your intent to be fully present with God.
4. At the end of your time of prayer, allow yourself to remain in silence with your eyes closed for just a couple of minutes - thus allowing yourself to re-enter the world with care.    

Some liken centering prayer to Christian meditation -- I am not sure I would go that far.  My personal understanding of meditation focuses on primarily on the emptying of ourselves.  In centering prayer, we are emptying ourselves with an focused intent to be in relationship with God and to receive God's workings within us.

I invite you to try this prayer.  Fr. Keating suggests we give ourselves 20-25 minutes to partake in this practice, but as a beginner that will feel like too much.  So start slowly and simply -- 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes, 20 minutes.  Try it once a week, three times a week, and then move to daily.  Remember, there is truly no RIGHT way to do this - what is right is our intention to be in fellowship with God.  So show up, give it a try, and trust that God's grace will do the rest.

On Prayer...

I'm just gonna say it: Prayer is hard.

I mean, yes it is easy in the "there's no wrong way to pray" mentality, but it is also hard in knowing the ways that work for us.
   Prayer is easy in that as long as we show up, we can have faith God is there, but it is hard because we so often get distracted and we are seldom fully present.
   Prayer is easy in that our souls just naturally yearn to have a connection with God, but it is hard... so hard... when we feel like that connection isn't happening.

So yes, prayer is HARD.
   But... it is SO worth it.  Why?
   Because it builds our relationship with God.  It deepens, enriches, and draws us closer in relationship with the One who made us, loves us still and seeks the absolute best for us.  In prayer, we connect with God in big and little ways.  We become aware of God's faithfulness to us, God's activity in our lives, God's dreams for us, and we grow in our own desire to be ever closer to God.

I recently read Ronald Rolheiser's book, Prayer: Our Deepest Longing.  In that book, Rolheiser likens the spiritual discipline of prayer to caring for aging parents/loved ones.  Out of a sense of duty and love, we daily stop by to spend time with our loved one, offering care, helping with the evening meal, chatting about the day, and simply being present.  Very rarely would these daily visits amount to much when looked at individually, but when looked at over the course of time, we grow to know that person so deeply and wholly -- and that person knows us just as deeply.  That happens, Rolheiser says, because "at a deep level of relationship, the real connection between us takes place below the surface of our conversation.  We begin to know each other through simple presence."  The very same is true with prayer!!  If we pray faithfully every day, day in, day out, year after year, an intimacy with our Maker can't help but be developed.

But we are a people of instant gratification -- and this is where once again, prayer is hard.  We want prayer to be life changing every time.  Monumental.  We want the mountain top experience. We want to be instantly touched.  Healed.  Moved.  Changed.  Connected with God in some new and real way.  While this can (and does) happen from time to time, it is not the norm.  The norm is more steady.  Uneventful.  Bland.  And perhaps, dare I say ,even boring.  And  hear me say, that's OK.  Just as a meaningful friendship isn't built around the "what have you done for me lately" motif, a relationship with God is't either.  It's about being steady and faithful - even when we don't want to.  It's about showing up and knowing that when we are distracted, God is still there and fully present.  It's about knowing that when we feel like we are failing at prayer (which is actually impossible), the intent of our heart to pray and connect with God saves us.  God sees our intent and connects with us even then.

How have you found richness in the regular practice of prayer?  Or on the other side of that coin, have you been discouraged in your prayer life?  It's never too late to start fresh.  In the next few blogs, I will give some examples of prayer practices that have been meaningful to me -- perhaps you will find one that resonates with you!

To Breathe and to Pray

One of my lived realities is that my youngest daughter has Tourette Syndrome.  The nature of Tourette's is that it ebbs and flows over time, and is more than just tics, but also includes issues such as anxiety, OCD, and a variety of other things.  We have been very blessed that for the better part of a year her tics have been almost non-existent with medication.  This week however, we started a new "flowing" phase which has left her feeling scared and frustrated and me feeling extremely overwhelmed.  In moments like these, I have a simple (yet profoundly effective) go-to that helps me to move from overwhelm and paralysis back into life one step at a time:  breath prayer.

Breath is fundamental to life -- we inhale and we exhale.  When we get scared or anxious and our breath races, we slow down and breathe slow and steady to settle us down.  When we get excited or upset, our breath catches.  When we take in the beauty of the earth , we often find that breathing deeply grounds us in the moment.  Beyond being a source of life, it is a piece of our faith.  Breath is a way in which we relate to the Spirit -- the breath of God. With a biblical model for linking Spirit with breath, I find myself naturally drawn to the very simple, yet profound practice of breath prayers -- especially when life gets to be too much.  The great thing about breath prayers -- they are completely customizable for the moment and very short in nature.  These prayers are intended to cooperate with your breathing patterns -- short and sweet and easily repeated.  With an inhale, a phrase is prayed -- perhaps a name or image of God.  With an exhale, our request is lifted.  Each breath being filled with a prayer lasting just a few syllables.  Each prayer easily being breathed.

What are the benefits of this prayer?  First, it slows us down.  For me, it gets me out of my cycle of spinning out.  It makes me mindful of my breathing and of my surroundings.  And perhaps most important, the repetitive nature of this prayer helps to focus less on me and more on the power of the Spirit -- looking to and trusting God to lead me through the moment.  Breath prayers are not just for moments of chaos, but for moments of peace, as well.  They call us to a more contemplative stance and lead us towards being more mindful of each other as God's creation, living with God and trusting in God's provision.

How do you make a breath prayer?  Easy Peasy.

1. Choose a name or image of God/Christ/Spirit that speaks to you.  Perhaps it is a favorite phrase, image or biblical description. This name, you will prayer upon inhaling. 
2. Consider your need at the moment -- shrink it into as few words as possible.  This phrase should fit into the space of an exhale.   
3. Put these two pieces together to form your prayer. Breathe in - praying God's name.  Breathe out - praying your petition.  Of course, if you choose to reverse the order and pray the petition first, that is completely acceptable -- to each their own.  

Some examples:

Giver of life, calm my soul

Spirit of wisdom, lead me on. 

Grant me grace, Merciful God. 

Holy Lord, heal my heart.  

Do you have a go-to breath prayer?  If so, share it in the comments -- more often than not, our prayers inspire one another. Whether this is your first breath prayer or your 101st, stop now, take a moment to breathe and invite the Spirit to help you form the prayer of your heart at this moment.  Take the time to breathe and to pray -- your soul and your God will thank you. 

Sounds of Silence

Many of my friends were concerned about me coming to spend a week among the Benedictine sisters for my spiritual direction program.  They were not concerned with what I would learn: the doctrine or the scope of the program.  They weren't concerned about my being away for a week.  They were concerned because they knew I had a day of sacred silence to live through on Wednesday.  Silence. Anyone who knows me knows I am loud and I love to laugh.  And yet, while my friends laughed at the notion of me being in silence, it was the part of the week about which I was most excited!  My mind and soul were craving a respite from the constant noise of life.  

The noise surrounds all of us.  It may look or feel different to us each, but we all have it.  Whether it's demands of family or work, the hustle and bustle of our to-do lists, the conversations or arguments we had with a loved one.... Whatever it looks like, there is noise that penetrates and keeps us from finding focus on what matters.  The noise keeps us from true inner peace and calm. If we don't know how to find times of silence, the noise can easily keep us from being centered and keep us from union with the holy in our lives.  That said, silence can be scary. It allows time for reflection.  For emotion.  For facing realities we haven't wanted to face. But silence is also healing.  When done well, it's not lonely and isolating, but a time of comfortable solitude.  It can be about finding our harmony within the natural world.  It can be about sharing the deepest parts of ourselves with God.  It can be a time of meditation, contemplation, restoration, and holiness.  

My day of silence was very holy.  It was done not simply for the sake of being silent, but out of the embracing of Benedictine values and the understanding that to truly hear others in spiritual direction, we have to hear ourselves.  We have to put aside the noise and see what's at work in us.  Our day of silence was begun with a community gathering of prayer and meditation where we shared our anxieties and expectations around the day ahead.  And then we were led into silence in a most beautiful way as we remembered Psalm 46:10 - "Be still, and know that I am God."

What did I do with my day?  I spent as much time as possible laying in the shade of a tall tree.  I listened to the world and sounds of nature around me.  I read.  I prayed through crayons and markers.  I let the noise within me bubble up and out.  I let go.  I embraced.  I remembered.  I healed. When morning came, I was almost afraid to speak again.  The sounds of silence had be a profound reprieve from the constant churning chaos within me. The first voice spoken into the day felt like a crashing cymbal into the comfortable peace that had been found.  I found myself wanting to linger in the quiet longer, soaking in God's goodness.

Wondering how you can ease yourself into some focused silence?  Try using Psalm 46:10 as a guide into quieting your soul.  Whether for a day of silence or just a brief time of meditation and calm, this is an effective and beautiful way to center yourself.  Slowly speak aloud, chant or whisper each line four-five times before moving to the next line.  Be ever aware of your breathing and a calming presence within you.

Be still, and know that I am God

Be still, and know

Be still

Be. 

May you find the sounds of silence in your soul to be a blessing to be experienced again and again.